SORÉ ---eng

A tiny foot touches my elbow, a light hand caresses my breast.

Her lips, a flower that opens and closes on my nipple and with a satisfied sigh, starts again, again and again.

I smile so much that I feel myself smiling.

How silly I must seem.

How happy I must look.

This is the romantic image, undoubtedly true but certainly a little painted by time, embellished.

The human body is well made, the memory remains full of serenity.

Mum.

I can't say exactly when it happened.

The moment when dirty and bloody they placed her on my chest

The moment I nursed her for the first time in front of her father's eyes

The day back home.

The arrival for her.

Her breathing in bed, seeing her in a space where she had never been

Between the tears of the fourth day perhaps

When pain, fatigue and too many emotions have taken over

I became a mother immediately.

From the moment I felt her heart beating

A fast pace, impatient

Her fingers gripping mine

People tell us a whole series of things about pregnancy, our body is controlled, touched, pinched prepared

and then nothing

from the moment our duty is done we forget about us

we forget it ourselves

but this body must continue to function in order to accompany the new life it has created

and the mind must also be clear

the first time I saw my daughter and heard her cry in me something opened up

or maybe it's fixed.

A kind of mechanism that has remained jammed and which has now started to work again, to move, to warm me up, to give me strength

I could spend whole minutes watching her sleep and checking that her almost fake-sized chest rose and fell, up and down, up and down.

I touched her face with the tips of my fingers, I followed the pattern of her cheeks, her mouth, her nose and something in me exulted at her every movement

I don't think there are words that have been invented yet to explain this feeling

I always kept her with me in a scarf attached to the body of which she had been the extension for 9 months

In my head she was still there at warm, protected from the outside world and I didn't want to break the spell because as hard as it had been, at least inside me she was safe.

I hardly ever left her

and yet

there were times when my brain was screaming for help

take 5 minutes for yourself - time to recharge the batteries

to be able to start over again

I wanted someone to take her but then it was as if I was missing an arm, a leg, an indispensable piece of me that decided to desert

Give her back to me

Immediately

Everyone says that once you have children your life changes

some people even told me it was the end of the life I knew

it's true

it was the end of an unbalanced life for me

she gave me the strength to love myself and be responsible to take care of myself because now that she is here I can't afford to feel bad

she gave me the strength to carry out my projects

because now that she is here I want to be the best version of myself and I want to make her proud

she gave me the strength to get rid of those who have hurt me or who did not bring joy into my life because whoever loves me will have to love my little girl too

I don't want negativity for her

she gave me the strength to accept my body to which I am grateful now that she is here

now that she is here I am freer

I'm more myself

now that she is here I have had the strength to undress

of the burden of being a daughter

invest in the joy of being a mother

Oh I love her so much

Maternal love is something so ancestral

I feel love for her with all my history, my fears, my uncertainties, my passion

Oh I love her so much

Hear her speak, see her steps, every discovery, every little victory

I love her so much

every gesture

every smile

I love her so much

I love to love her

I love her so much